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Fear is an Illusion

Two of the scariest words in the corporate world are Internal Audit. Especially when you are the one assigned to oversee a couple of departments that handle projects globally. We had a few weeks to prepare all our files for the internal audit to ensure that the process runs smoothly. I struggled with one of the vendors that is located overseas. They failed to provide me with the files that I need. I gave them ample time and help, but they missed the deadline. I sought assistance from my team in our weekly huddle and my boss told me that she would schedule a meeting with the managers of the vendors globally, I would discuss the requirements of the audit and then give the managers who couldn’t deliver an ultimatum. Okay. To be clear. I would attend a meeting of country managers and I would call out those who couldn’t provide the documents that we need for the internal audit. That should be easy. Like I said I am new to the role. I only have six months experience in my post. I thought about what could happen in that manager's meeting and insecurities filled my head. “Those managers probably have 10-15 years experience in their roles, and I’m calling them out?” “What if I made a mistake and I’m the reason why they couldn’t give me what I need?” “Those managers are going to eat me for breakfast!” I began to doubt my work. I got scared. I guess I’m still afraid of failing. I thought I was over this hump. I had problems sleeping that night. I prayed and asked God for courage and peace of mind. The Holy Spirit reminded me of my battle against anxiety. I drew encouragement from my previous victories and slept peacefully. However, I woke up 30 minutes earlier than I should. I said to myself, “Am I really going to worry about that meeting?” The meeting was just an hour long and it was not set until three in the afternoon. I was not going to ruin my day because of that. Anyway, God told me He’s got my back. I read my Bible and prayed. I did the tasks I had for the day and everytime negativity creeped in my mind I spoke blessings in my life. Whenever doubt touched my heart I quoted scripture. I got through my day fine and before I knew it, it was time for the meeting. We started the agenda with the audit and I prepared myself for a difficult conversation. However, the manager that I had to call out apologised immediately and committed to deliver the files I required within 24 hours. I said to myself, “Man that was easy.” I looked at what happened that day and I said “Man, I almost stressed myself out myself for nothing.” This is what I learned from the experience, fear is an illusion. I made up negative possibilities in my head that almost gave me an anxiety attack. I just created a monster in my head and that’s all that it is, just inside my head. The Bible says, Luke 12:25-31 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” The manager was true to his word and delivered what he promised. I already have the files that I need for the audit. Am I worried about the actual audit? We’ll see what happens when we get there, but I believe with all my heart that God will be with me in every challenge and will empower me to get the victory.

 

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