My faith was failing. I felt like this for a few weeks now. I did things just because I was used to it. I went to church, did fellowship with believers, served in my ministry and attended Sunday service, but there was no joy in my heart. I was like a robot doing things without emotions, yet, I did nothing.
I was content in my relationship with God. At the back of my head, at least I still do the things I am supposed to do. I was convinced that I was doing enough. I didn’t realise that God wanted me to do more and that He would prove me wrong.
One day, while I was on my way home from work, I had a conversation with a Christian friend on Facebook. For some reason, he liked to know my schedule. He specifically asked if I have enough time for work, family, ministry and personal devotion. I found his questions difficult to answer. I felt like I was pushed to a corner and had no choice but, to be honest.
I mentioned that I always have time for my activities, except for devotion. He then reminded me that devotion should be prioritised. He gave me tips on how to do it effectively and ended with the statement that “The key is consistency.” I felt so guilty especially when I saw the word, “consistency.” When our conversation ended, I thought I could ignore the conviction that I felt.
When I reached home, I planned to do Bible reading and prayer before bedtime. My heart was very stubborn, I disregarded my plan and grabbed my phone instead. I decided to watch a movie, and my only option was, “The War Room.” I've been avoiding this movie for a few days since a friend said it was a Christian movie. But then again, my options were reading the Bible or watching a movie, and I chose the latter.
I was already in the first half of the movie when I realised that it is about prayer and devotion. Exactly what I'm currently trying to escape. Suddenly, I found myself crying with every dialogue. I felt like I was the heroine in the story who considered herself a spiritual person, but when asked about the status of her faith, she said it's neither hot nor cold. She reasoned about her life being so busy with work and other things. She also added that the Lord was essential to her, but again her faith was just in the middle. Her friend rebuked her and said that God does not deserve lukewarm trust nor lukewarm Christians.
I could no longer hold back my tears. I knew that God was at work right then and there. He saw that I was running away from Him. Therefore, God sent a friend and a movie to make me realise that He was unhappy with my lukewarm faith towards Him. Indeed, he called me to come back to Him that morning.
After watching the movie, I scanned some pages of my journals from the past years. I was reminded of God's faithfulness. His love is unfailing and unconditional. As I continue to read some entries, I found out that I had so many experiences of running away from Him, but He consistently showed me the right path to take. Therefore, I accepted that no matter what I do, I could never outrun Him.
I ended my day by reading my Bible, asking Him for forgiveness and thanking Him for all His faithfulness to me. Indeed, God will never allow His children to turn away from Him. He corrects everyone He loves just as parents correct their children.
Isaiah 30:21 NIV
Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Psalm 121: 3-4
He will not let you stumble and fall; the one who watches over you will not sleep. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never tires and never sleeps.