It all started when I was in college. I chose to be different from everyone else. I didn’t have vices, didn’t date, and did well in academics. I was a part of the swimming team and taekwondo team as well. I could say that I excelled as a student. I was driven, and my driving force was my family. It’s ironic; because my family weren’t interested in the things I did. I carried this burden in my heart for the longest time.
I’ve joined a lot of competitions. I’ve won some and lost a few. However, I felt that my victories didn’t mean anything, as I have no one else to share them with.
I always look around when I competed, and no one in my family was there to watch. When I won and received recognition, no one in my family smiled or clapped. I felt alone, useless.
I dwelled on this feeling of emptiness. I saturated myself with the thought that I was unloved by the people whom I devoted my life to please.
One day I was able to catch up with an old friend. I got comfortable, and I shared my feelings of neglect and my thoughts of abandonment.
My friend said, “You know that you weren’t alone all those times right?”
I thought about what my friend said. It reminded me that I do have a family with me, a perfect, loving Father in heaven who says,
“I was there when you competed. I cheered for you the whole time. I saw your tears when you lost, and I wept. I felt your joy when you won, and I rejoiced with all the angels in heaven. Deza, you’re not alone, I am with you, and I love you unconditionally.”
Sometimes we waste our strength and emotions looking for love from people who couldn’t love us back, and yet we ignore our loving God who loves us faults and all.
Psalm 27:10-14 New International Version (NIV)
10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. 13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.